Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
