Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
