So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
