And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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