Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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