If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
