I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
