I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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