Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
