By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
