the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
