I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We were destined to go to rehab together
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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