Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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