My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize