Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
