I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
