Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize