So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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