She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
