so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
