so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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