i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
