I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
try to milk me bitch
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