Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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