i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
