I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
