Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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