Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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