I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
