Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
