so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm like, not good at living.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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