I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
