Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
