Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
