I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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