My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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