I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
