No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
