It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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