I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
