he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
