Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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