2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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