Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize