So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
