he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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