i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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