I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
