I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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