I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
