theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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