Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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