i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
