Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
