If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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