First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
