Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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