id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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