My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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