you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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