she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
