I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
