You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
