what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
