so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize