Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
