i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
