Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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