In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize