jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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